The problem#
This is not the first time I started to blog, it likely not even the time when I am the most enthusiastic about it, I just have a good feeling about it. And still, I am here, needing to write the first post, and I do not know where to start.
It is not like I do not have anything to say; I actually quite often feel that I want to share an event, thought or feeling with others. Is it bad timing; not being able to write about those things right away? Maybe that is too. But I think it is more about psyhological safety and opportunity loss. I am not confident enough to share my bad writing, and I don’t want to spend too much time on writing well about topics that are either not important or too important to waste them on me before I will be a better writer.
The solution#
There is one thing that is different than all my previous blogging attempts: this blog is anonymous. As crazy as it sounds, I have always tried to write under my real name. It made sense because in my previous attempts I either wanted to monetize my work (blogging is useful in my profession), or I wanted to share it with friends & family. But that that was also the reason why I was so attached to the quality of my work.
Now, it is different. I don’t care how bad I am in it. It can sound arrogant, but I think that it the main reason why very young children can learn fast, they just don’t care about what others think. I see this first hand, although my just pre-teen doughter has just started to develop the fear of looking bad if she doesn’t know something. It is a plague.
Isn’t anonymous blogging cheating then? Shouldn’t I, knowing that I musn’t equal my work with my self-esteem, proudly make mistakes? Maybe I should, but there is the opposite direction as well as well: to be able to openly make mistakes you need strong self-estemm. Typical chicken and egg problem.
The solution is the safety that anonymity provides you. You do write without the fear of being judged by anyone, will - without doubt - be better in it with time, every success builds self-esteem, so you will be able to make mistakes publicly. Or… whatever I do will never be good enough for myself. We will see. :)
The reward#
What do I expect from blog? It will help me to grow; not just in writing but being able to process the things that happen in my life.
It will also be a journal that I read later. The other day I talked to my wife, it is crazy how little I remember from my high school years. I often say that life is short, and still, I cannot even remember what I have lived through; in best case only feelings and some memory shards remain. But there is no learning without remembering history. I want to understand what I thought, what my values where 20 years ago.
Last but not least, I hope that my daughter will read it once. Not because it is better written or more valuable than some of the books out there, but because she lives with me. Just like me, she can learn from my mistakes, she can understand a bit better what I did and why.
The time will tell.